Evanescence
by Insontis Exitium
Summary: Sakura is so heartbroken when Syaoran breaks up with her that she tries anything and everything that will end her suffering. Will Syaoran stop her from doing something stupid in time?
1. My Immortal

My first CCS fic. I hope you like it.  
  
Chapter 1: My Immortal  
  
My immortal  
  
I'm so tired of being here  
  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
  
and if you have to leave  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
because your presence still lingers here  
  
and it won't leave me alone  
  
The school bell had already rung. Sakura stared out the classroom window. Nothing particularly interesting was going on outside but she had to do something to avoid his eyes. Syaoran fixed his eyes on Sakura from the other side of classroom, a guilty look on his face. Just as he was about to walk over to her, Tomoyo beat him to it. "Sakura-chan. Cheer up, won't you? It's clear that we all miss your smile. Could smile again, just for me?" She pleaded.  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
this pain is just too real  
  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
"It's not that easy Tomoyo-chan. I feel like I have lost everything, like there is nothing left for me in this world."  
  
"Don't speak like that! You have everything! You have good friends, you're a great student and you have a family who loves you." At that, Syaoran came over.  
  
"Sakura-chan." He began. Sakura cut him off.  
  
"Leave me alone Syaoran." She didn't add a suffix because she didn't know what he was to her. "Just go. Nothing you can say will make me feel any better." A tear trickled down her cheek. "You know how I feel but I know you love Meiling. I, I know it seems selfish but I really thought you loved me, and in that time, I was the happiest I've ever been but now." She stopped speaking and put her head in her hands. Then without warning her sadness turned into hate. "How could you Syaoran!? I'm 16 now. 6 years I've been by your side, helping you, and now this!? I hate you Syaoran! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" She shook him and the fell to her knees sobbing.  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you scream id fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me.  
  
Syaoran knelt down by Sakura and went to put his hand on her shoulder but she pushed it away.  
  
"Don't. Let me speak. When I realized my feelings for you were more than that of friend and friend, I looked deeper into them. It was like you put a spell on me. I was mesmerized by every part of you, your aura glowed. I love you so much that I don't know how I'll live without you by my side. I dream about you but now instead of them being happy dreams, they're more like nightmares slowly making me go insane." Sakura's face was pale and lifeless. It became even paler when Meiling walked over.  
  
"Hey Sak." Meiling began. Sakura turned ghostly pale and calmly walked out the classroom door to collect her school things. "What's up with her?" Meiling asked,  
  
"You wouldn't want to know, Meiling-chan," Tomoyo responded.  
  
You used to captivate me  
  
by your resonating light  
  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
  
Tomoyo grabbed her things and dashed after her friend. "Hey, wait up Sakura-chan!" Sakura stopped and turned around. "Look here, maybe we should talk about this. You never know, maybe we can help you get over him." "I won't Tomoyo-chan because I love him too much. Being without him is like bleeding forever, it won't stop."  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
this pain is just too real  
  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
Tomoyo retorted. "Well let me say I think you have extremely bad taste in guys." Sakura looked offended. "It's not your fault though, it's Syaoran's. To think he'd do this to you after all you've done together, and where is he now? Talking to Meiling I bet." Sakura looked heartbroken.  
  
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
  
but you still have all of me  
  
"I have already tried so hard to get over him but I still feel so alone without him." Sakura said despondently.  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
but though you're still with me I've been alone all along.  
  
Well that's chapter 1. Hope it wasn't too bad. 'Til next time, Koneko- chan 


	2. Exodus

Time for part two I guess. I forgot to do this last time so here it goes: Idon'towncardcaptorsakuraoranyrelatedstuffandIdon'tevenownamerchandisemyself *sniff* there you go. Don't sue me. On to chapter 2 then?   
  
Chapter 2: Exodus  
  
When Sakura reached her house, she realized no one was in so she took out her key from her backpack and unlocked the door. One inside, she took off her shoes and ran upstairs to her bedroom. She closed the door and flung both herself and her backpack on the bed. She turned on some music Touya left for her to listen to. The song was from America, the place he was working in at the moment, and was by a band called Evanescence. Sakura sat and listened, and thought. She concentrated on the lyrics which gave her ideas.  
  
My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams  
  
20 bucks should get me through the week  
  
Never said a word of discontentment  
  
Fought it a thousand times but now  
  
I'm leaving home  
  
Sakura sat up. "That's it. That's how I have to forget him. I have to leave. Everyone I know makes me think about him so I have to be around people I don't know." She emptied her backpack on the floor and filled it with 4 changes of clothing, some photo's of her friends and family and some food. She ran into her parents' room. Right in front of her was a small and very decorative chest. 'That's where they keep the money.' She thought. She pulled a pin out from hair and started to pick the lock. After she was successful, she opened up the chest to find a hefty amount of money inside. There was a separate section divided by piece of paper. She pulled it out and scanned it. It read: Sakura's Funds. She took all the money from that side and some from her parents' side. 'This should last me at least 3 weeks.' She thought to herself. She put the money in her bag and ran down the stairs. The final task before she left was to write a farewell note. She began: Dear Dad,  
You don't know how hard it was to do this but I had to. I love you so very much and I always will. I'm leaving because I need to. I'm sorry about the money too but I need it to survive. I'm going to miss you so much. And Touya too. So, this is goodbye. I'd have said it to your face but I don't have the courage. I love you and don't you ever forget that,  
Sakura  
  
She folded it across the centre and put it in an envelope, addressed to Kinomoto-san, then set off after locking the door. She walked for miles only stopping for short rests and drinks. It was getting later and Sakura was becoming ever more fatigued. By midnight she had reached a dangerous part of Ropponi. There was a youth hostel right ahead of her so she decided to stop there for the night.  
  
Here in the shadows  
  
I'm safe  
  
I'm free  
  
I've nowhere else to go but  
  
I cannot stay where I don't belong  
  
A stern looking lady sat at a battered desk by the doorway. Sakura approached cautiously. "How long you stayin'?" She asked in a gruff voice. "Just tonight," Sakura replied shakily. "Name." "Sakura Kinomoto." The woman began writing on a very grungy piece of paper. "Go on through. Find yourself a bed or a sleeping bag on the floor. There should be some left." Sakura walked on in. She was very nervous. She had never truly been anywhere alone before. Even if she went anywhere on her own, Kero-chan was sneaky and jumped into her bag. 'But he couldn't-' Sakura thought.  
She found a sleeping bag in the corner of the hostel. She sat down and rummaged through her bag. Kero-chan wasn't there. Sakura sighed in relief. He was still in the Kinomoto household, safely tucked up in his drawer with the Clow Cards. Sakura felt a presence around her. She looked up, 5 girls stood before her were studying her. "A newbie," the tallest said. She had raven hair and piercing blue eyes. The others started talking among themselves. Then the tallest spoke again. The others were quiet. "Hey, kid! What's your name?" "Sakura." "Cool name," she replied. "I'm Katsu and my friends are Emi, Chikako, Yasu and Takeshi." The four girls nodded. "So how come you're here?" Sakura asked. "Because we're smart and independent," Chikako said. "You're here the same reason, right?" "Yeah," Sakura lied. "I thought I'd show my mom whose boss." "Good for you. Wanna hang out with us?" Katsu asked. "Sure." Sakura was happy. She had someone to hang out with. She wasn't completely alone.  
Sakura crawled into her sleeping bag. It was damp and it smelled rancid. A number of woodlice and other insects were crawling around the corner. The walls were crumbling Away and the ceiling above her head had a leak. It was not going to be a good night.  
  
Two months pass by and it's getting cold  
  
I know I'm not lost  
  
I am just alone  
  
But I won't cry  
  
I won't give up  
  
I can't go back now  
  
Waking up is knowing who you really are  
  
The people of the Kinomoto household were dismayed and anxious. Sakura's note was on the fridge. Fujitaka was pacing the room whilst Nadesico and Yukito were comforting a very distressed Touya. Sakura had been gone for 17 hours now and despite their phone call to the police, they felt no better.  
Sakura got her clothes and got changed in the bathroom. It was disgusting inside and it smelled putrid. She doubted it had ever been cleaned. Once changed, she stepped out and waited for her friends. They were all ready and waiting to show Sakura around. 'They seem like nice girls,' she thought. As soon as they left the building, they broke into a frenzy of chatting. "So where are we going first," Sakura asked. "To get you a job," Katsu replied. "What kind of job?" "With us in the entertainment business," Emi answered. "What do you do?" Sakura inquired. "Well what do you think? We entertain!" Takeshi joked. Sakura laughed along with them. She may have opportunity to sing, or dance or even act! She was delighted by the thought of this but tried to not get her hopes up.  
  
Here in the shadows  
  
I'm safe  
  
I'm free  
  
I've nowhere else to go but  
  
I cannot stay where I don't belong  
  
As they got to the doors of a shabby building, just a few blocks down from the youth hostel, and went inside, a suspicious looking middle-aged man greeted them with a smile revealing ghastly yellowed teeth. "A new recruit?" he asked eagerly. The girls nodded. "I'll raise your wages then." The girls smiled and thanked him. "Come on then, Sakura. We'll show you the ropes," Chikako cried. The girls walked over to a red door and walked inside. There were rows of costumes and such like inside. Sakura browsed them. "You wear anyone of them you want," Yuri told her. She was wearing black leather hot pants and bikini top. Sakura stopped and picked out a tight white sleeveless top and a short pleated skirt much like her school skirt. The girls complemented her choice then Katsu approached her. She was wearing a leopard print outfit. She yanked at the zip of Sakura's top making it more revealing. "Sorry, it looks better like that. Oh, and change that-" She plucked her bra strap. "-for this." She handed Sakura a drawstring bra. Sakura didn't say anything, she just did as she was told. The man from earlier approached the girls. "Katsu, you have a client waiting for you. Please see to it that he gets his money's worth," he said. "Yes, Chuhsha-san." "You have a client too Sakura," he told her grinning. Sakura nodded and followed Katsu. "Where do I go?" Sakura asked. "The room next to mine," Katsu replied. She entered the room before Sakura could thank her. Sakura entered. A man in his early forties was sat on a bed. 'Client,' Sakura thought. She realized what she'd agreed to. "Come on, then!" The man was growing impatient. Sakura froze. The man approached her. She went to open the door but he stopped her. He grabbed her and brought her over to the bed. "I want my money's worth and I'm going to get it," he exclaimed. Sakura gave in. She was scared. She had been foolish but she wasn't going back home, she just couldn't.  
  
Here in the shadows  
  
I'm safe  
  
I'm free  
  
I've nowhere else to go but  
  
I cannot stay where I don't belong  
  
She had 5 clients in the 2 hours she worked. She was ready to go back to the hostel to sleep and imagine it never happened. The girls agreed to let her go but they told her to meet them outside at midnight when the fun really began. Sakura came back to the hostel. "Name?" The old lady asked. "Sakura Kinomoto." "Right." "Can I have an extension for how long I can stay here?" "Yeah. How long?" "2 weeks." Sakura walked back inside and laid down on her sleeping bag. She was so wiped out that she fell asleep and didn't wake up until 11pm.  
  
Show me the shadow where true meaning lies  
  
So much more is made in empty eyes  
  
Sakura got up and grabbed some clothes and got changed in the bathroom. It took her half an hour to get ready. She messed around with her hair and put on some make-up and adjusted her clothes. She ran downstairs and left the building. The girls were coming around the corner as she left. 'Let's hope this is more fun than the job they gave me,' she thought.  
  
well there's chapter two. I hope it wasn't too bad. Sakura wasn't too wise, was she? Let's hope she get sort herself out. 'Til next time, Hermionepea 


	3. Imaginary

A/N OK sorry I was slow on updating.I have had my computer time cut down really low and only found the odd moment when I could type chapter 3 so my apologies again to you. Also thanks to azlyrics.com for the lyrics. A/N  
  
Chapter 3: Imaginary  
  
Yuri looked at Sakura. "We want you to have as much fun as you can, so try this.I promise you'll feel a lot better," She showed Sakura a handful of suspicious looking pills and handed a couple to her. They all stared at Sakura which made her feel intimidated. She thrust the pills in her mouth and swallowed. The girls looked a little relieved and offered her a drink. "Sure," Sakura replied. Emi went to the bar and brought back a large cola or what appeared to be a large cola anyway. They dragged Sakura onto the dance floor and started to dance. She tagged along. A new tune started to play. It had a heavy beat that shook throughout her whole body. Slowly the music slowed down and the beat became increasingly loud. Everything was a mass of color. She felt as though she was on a rollercoaster and every move she made was a bump in the track. The girls noticed she was dizzy and got her another drink. Now high, drunk and dizzy, Sakura nearly passed out. The gang laughed and went back to dancing. Sakura stumbled to the hallway where the back exit was. There were a number of strange looking people accumulated there. A bunch of middle aged man all tried to grab Sakura, but she dodged their grasps. There was a couple making out, apparently unaware of the mass of people around them. Unable to reach the door, Sakura remained there.  
  
I linger in the doorway  
  
of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name  
  
let me stay  
  
where the wind will whisper to me  
  
where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story  
  
She started becoming paranoid and delusional. The blobs of color were turning into beasts, out to feed, with one target: Sakura.  
  
In my field of paper flowers  
  
and candy clouds of lullaby  
  
I lie inside myself for hours  
  
and watch my purple sky fly over me  
  
Panicked, Sakura scrambled for the door. She slipped and collapsed with her hand on the doorknob. She pulled herself up and exited the door into the cool night air.  
  
Don't say I'm out of touch  
  
with this rampant chaos - your reality  
  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge  
  
the nightmare I built my own world to escape  
  
The cool air was sickening. She threw up on the pavement and began breathing heavily. It seemed there wasn't enough air for her to breathe. Panting, she looked at her surroundings. Nobody was after her anymore. She was safe but a voice in her mind was telling her that she wasn't safe: She had to run.  
  
In my field of paper flowers  
  
and candy clouds of lullaby  
  
I lie inside myself for hours  
  
and watch my purple sky fly over me  
  
Her feet were already carrying her away to the hostel. She was running fast, still confused yet thinking more clearly than ever before. Inside she screamed in anger. 'Why was I so stupid' she thought to herself.  
  
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
  
cannot cease for the fear of silent nights  
  
oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
  
the goddess of imaginary light  
  
She didn't outside the hostel when she reached it, instead she zoomed straight through ignoring the horrid woman who did the people check.  
  
"Hey! You need to sign in!" She howled. Sakura didn't hear her call and grabbed her belongings. She pondered for a second at a picture of Syaoran. She was sure she never packed it but put it in her bag anyway.  
  
"No regrets, eh?" she said to herself. She clambered up the stairs and ran out the hostel door. "None at all."  
  
A/N That's Chapter 3 ('nuff said) A/N 


	4. Heart Shaped Box

A/N Well after a long time, I know I've lost most of my readers and I am truly sorry I took so long to get this chapter out. However, those of you have come to read this, I thank you. Don't you just hate writer's block? It's a disease to those who love to write and it's an absolute pain in the butt...well anyhoo, after how long? Since September 11th last year I believe...well a lot has happened and my dark side has lightened up a bit...so there may be a difference in the writing...but there again...there may not...A/N  
  
A/N OK sorry I was slow on updating. I have had my computer time cut down really low and only found the odd moment when I could type chapter 3 so my apologies again to you. Also thanks to azlyrics.com for the lyrics. A/N  
  
Chapter 4: Heart-Shaped Box  
  
The Kinomoto family and many of Sakura's friends were searching frantically for Sakura. Kero and Tomoyo were at one of Daidouji-san's stores close to Shiba Park, Syaoran's mother had people search hotels and the surrounding areas while Syaoran looked around near Tokyo Tower. There was still hope she was ok and the police were still looking for her.  
Sakura walked down the street, a blank look on her face, keeping a steady pace. She wore black, a sign of her shame of all the things she had done. Part of her was impatient and wanted to be there now, to just get it all over and done with, yet, part of her hoped that someone would notice her, that Keroberos would just appear and knock sense into her. She looked up. Alas, there was nothing there but her sight of the way ahead.  
Syaoran ran throught the doors of the electronice store. Tomoyo instantly looked up from the laptop she was using. "You found anything?" he asked worriedly. "Nothing." Syaoran hung his head. "Well we know that currently she's not in Chiyoda-ku, Shibuya-ku and Shinjuku-ku, and I still haven't checked all of Minato-ku." He sighed. Tomoyo looked at him sympathetically. "Don't give up, Syaoran. There's still a chance things coul-" "I try Tomoyo, I really do but, its hard. Oh, this is all my fault! She could be dead and its all my fault!" a single tear rolled down his cheek and quickly welled up inside. Tomoyo went over to him and awkwardly pat him on the shoulder muttering what sounded like 'it's going to be ok'  
Her feet pounded on the ground in time with her heartbeat. Her breathing was heavy and warm. The corner of Shiba Park drew ever closer and Tokyo tower more visible. She started to regret not stopping by Tomoecho Sunaba and stealing some food when her stomach started growling. Ignoring the noises, she continued on, even when the rain began to pour.  
Tomoyo was busy on her laptop, many chat windows covering the screen all with the question 'Have you seen this girl?' posted somewhere on them. Despite her efforts over the past few weeks, she seemed to have had no luck. Syaoran was pacing the room, his arms crossed.  
  
He eyes me like a pisces when I am weak  
  
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks  
  
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap  
  
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black  
  
Hey, Wait  
  
I've got a new complaint  
  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
  
Your advice  
  
Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet  
  
Cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath  
  
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black  
  
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back  
  
Hey, Wait  
  
I've got a new complaint  
  
Forever in debt to your priceless advice  
  
Your advice  
  
A/N That's Chapter 4 ('nuff said) A/N 


End file.
